Viktoriya Yermolyeva is a Ukrainian piano prodigy. She’s won a ton of accolades and competitions. 99% of which we’ve never heard of. But they sure sound impressive. Like 1st Prize at “Filippo Trevisan” International for Piano Interpretation. Like 1st Prize at 35th International Competition “Vincenzo Bellini.” Or 1st Prize at 4th Sigismund Thalberg International Piano Prize. But the reason the 30-year old is garnering attention outside the Classical sphere is her faithful and downright impressive renditions of Metallica songs.
In the video for “Battery” above, Yermolyeva’s hands move so fast it’s almost as if she’s faking it. But she’s not. Want further proof? Check out videos for “Orion,” “Fade to Black,” or this version of Opeth’s “Porcelain Heart.” The chick’s rad.
Ok, Ok. We’ve been on Metallica’s nuts lately. For no good reason really. They’re just really big and swing hard. Anyway, we can’t ignore the former thrash titans covering Iron Maiden’s “Remember Tomorrow” as commissioned by UK rag Kerrang!
Nor can we, in good inverted faith, ignore comparing it to Opeth’s version from the Dwell Records Iron Maiden tribute.
We’re absolutely unsure why bands — the heavy and evil sounding ones — find it necessary to wear hats in band photos. No, not baseball caps. Hats. Like top hats, cowboys, fedoras, etc. We’ve picked out five photos that need a good hammering for lowering metal’s cool cred.
5. Vinnie Paul
The ex-Pantera, ex-Damageplan, and current Hellyeah drummer has, for many moons, sported this look. It’s just hard to be metal, unless you’re Lemmy, when your fashion screams ‘NASCAR cowboy.’ He used to wear just a bandana, which sort of had a Mike Muir quality, but at some point decided to redneck it up a notch. Paul still has long hair, but the dude ain’t metal in this black Eastern-themed embroidered cowboy.
4. Eric Peterson
This photo, probably taken after Souls of Black and before The Ritual, shows the Testament guitarist in a suave black panama. He’s got black leather gloves, too. That’s for another discussion entirely. Anyway, Peterson probably wasn’t sure type of fashion would fit the future video shoot for “Return to Serenity,” so he assembled this atrocity. Thankfully, Peterson didn’t wear it.
3. Stian Aarstad
Black metal and top hats do not mix. We repeat. Do not mix. Evidently, the potato-faced (and former) Dimmu Borgir keyboardist was inspired by Fred Astaire in this promotional photo for Enthrone Darkness Triumphant. Thinking back on it, we’re pretty sure this photo — and not “Mourning Palace” — was the reason the Norwegians exploded into what they are today. The top hat ain’t metal or evil.
2. Mikael Åkerfeldt
The Opeth guys were going for the ‘metal minstrels’ vibe (where’s the lute?) in this Morningrise-era photo. The rest of the guys are relatively normal given the circumstances. But it’s a young Åkerfeldt, in a top hat and dinner jacket, who sends this slightly pretentious photo into the hoighty-toighty stratosphere. It doesn’t matter if you’re Stian Aarstad, top hats don’t belong in metal. Never have. Never will.
1. Synyster Gates
All these guys are trying way too hard. Yet Synyster Gates* tires harder. Maybe not as hard as the dudes second to right and left. Gates, however, like Vinnie Paul, has the bandana and hat combo. We’re not too sure what else to say, but Avenged Sevenfold, or A7X (dumb), are the ultimate posers. Synyster Gates is proof.
What do you think?
*Correction from Zacky Vengeance. We fired our photo intern as a result. Wait, we don’t have a photo intern.
Just when we thought eBay and the things people list couldn’t get any more ridiculous (click here for the Converge peanut butter jar), we find this sad, sad listing.
The story goes a girl allegedly dates Opeth bassist Martin Mendez. Flies to Sweden to visit Mr. Montevideo. Collects some stuff. Then the two lovebirds break-up. Apparently, Mendez is not only a dream-maker, but a heart-breaker and love-taker as well. Ouch!
So the girl, who allegedly is married now (good for her), decides to part with her tchotchkes on eBay for A) closure and B) some cash. Guess it makes sense.
But we’re not sure what’s worse. The fact that the girl sold her Mendez memorabilia or the fact that said memorabilia went for a whopping $1.26. The 20 Kronor note included in the auction is worth more than $1.26. She lost money doing this!
Last night I caught 3, Between the Buried and Me, Opeth, and Dream Theater at Terminal 5 in NYC. 3 was excellent, BTBAM were great but felt a little out of place, Opeth were godly, debuting new track “Heir Apparent” in-between heavy selections from Deliverance and Damnation (“Wreath”!), and Dream Theater was, well, Dream Theater. The purpose here isn’t to dissect a performance or reflect on the ultra-shitty pizza I (unfortunately) had at some Bella Mangia Bella joint on the 20-block walk from Penn Station to the venue. I’m here to rant about Mike Portnoy’s drum kit. No, strike that. Drum kits. It’s important to emphasize KITS here. See photo below.
Isn’t that beautiful? The whole rig, apparently nicknamed ‘doppelganger,’ symbolizes American excess. In his prime Alex Van Halen was no stranger to outlandishly large set ups, but Portnoy’s drum riser had the fucking surface area of Oahu. And it barely fit! It must take a fleet of 18-wheelers just to lug that monstrosity from city to city. I mean, we know progressive bands exaggerate (everything ELP, for example) to get the point across and this is the Progressive Nation tour after all, but it’s something special to hear the audience gasp like citizens of Tokyo when they see Godzilla rising out of Tokyo Bay. Here’s another photo:
He’s almost up there with Bozzio. Well, not quite.
3. Whitesnake – Live…in the Heart of the City (1980 Geffen)
4. Whitesnake – Lovehunter (1979 Geffen)
5. Whitesnake – Trouble (1978 Geffen)
6. Badlands – Badlands (1989 Atlantic)
7. Phenomena II – Dream Runner (1987 Arista)
8. Blue Murder – Blue Murder (1989 Geffen)
9. Winger – Winger (1988 Atlantic)
10. Whitesnake – Slip of the Tongue (1989 Geffen)
When asked why Whitesnake occupies 60 percent of his Top 10, Åkerfeldt said: “David Coverdale is a superstar! Whitesnake’s self-titled is the only proper cock rock album ever. It’s a classic. I still put that on whenever we party. Everyone goes insane. Whitesnake is pure party rock with a little metal thrown in. Perfect! I mean if you put on Celtic Frost’s To Mega Therion at a party, it’s OK. But if you put on 1987 Whitesnake, people are going to have a great time. I grew up listening to Whitesnake, Scorpions, and bands like that. You know, Klaus Meine says “Come on, baby!” when he addresses the audience. He stole that from Coverdale.”
Our devoted Deci-posters in the forum are having their own Cock Rock (i.e., “Hair Metal”) discussion. Check it out and chime in by clicking here.
