OK, so Rick Rubin is nominated for Producer of the Year. For a fifth time. Good to see Rubin getting his much-deserved accolades and recognition. But you have to wonder for fucking what? He’s this high-profile, all-important sage of a producer. We’ll give him that. But what did he touch that had any redeeming value in 2008? Death Magnetic. Please. That’s like nominating Katrina for flooding New Orleans and FEMA for the pitiful planning leading up and dreadful response to Katrina. Yeah.

He DESTROYED, or at least approved the OBLITERATION of, Metallica’s sack-of-shit sounding Death Magnetic (clicky here) album. Well, he did WIN a Grammy for vomiting and then pissing (clicky here) on Stadium Arcadium by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

He’ll probably WIN a Grammy for Death Magnetic, too. Or for those wallpaper-thick albums by Jakob Dylan and Weezer. Hell, why nominate Rubin? Just give him the damned awards. This shit’s old-boy network anyway, right?

So teen Country songstress Taylor Swift likes Metal. Well, not real Metal, but almost. She apparently wants to learn more about it. She can do so by subscribing to Decibel. And Gangs of New York and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas star Cameron Diaz also appreciates the Heavy. In Shane Mehling’s Cannibal Corpse cover story (Decibel Jan 09, #51), Diaz was reportedly headbanging to the ‘Corpse at a private performance for Deadsy singer Elijah Blue. Then again, the blonde hottie was interviewed in Rolling Stone in 1996 professing her love for Metal. Is Metal slowly sneaking into mainstream culture? It would seem so. (more…)

We here at the Deciblog rarely get political, but this faux cease and desist letter from rock legends Heart to Republican senator and presidential hopeful John McCain is beyond classic. Now, we have to fucking clue why McCain or his advisors think “Barracuda” relates to his alleged maverick political stance. But…whatever. It sounds ‘mavericky.’

These lines from “Barracuda” seem alarmingly fitting for the McCain campaign’s current mud-slinging.

“If the real thing don’t do the trick
You better make up something quick
You gonna burn it out to the wick
Aren’t you, Barracuda?”

WASHINGTON, DC

In what could be the most controversial decision of this fall’s judicial season, the Supreme Court of the United States is set to begin hearings to review whether the highly-contested pro-Death Magnetic opinion delivered by the United States Court of Appeals, Second Circuit in US v. Metallica should be overturned on purely aesthetic grounds. In a lengthy opinion delivered by Circuit Judge Jon O. Newman, the lower court ruled that new material from Metallica did not serve the interests of the “common good” and that the inclusion of a third chapter of “The Unforgiven” was unacceptable “even for fans of St. Anger.”

Almost immediately, Metallica’s legal team petitioned for a writ of certiorari to urge the Supreme Court of the United States to review the lower court’s ruling. After skimming the latest issue of Kerrang!, Chief Justice John Roberts rearranged the docket for the October 2008 term to accommodate a case that promises to dramatically alter how America thinks about “abortions and the death penalty.”

According to Jack Sebring, a senior staff reporter at the Capitol Hill-based Roll Call, there is no legal precedent for US v. Metallica and Justice Anthony Kennedy — a Reagan appointee — could be the swing-vote in any decision. “John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer are united in beliving that Metallica were captured after …And Justice for All and replaced by robot replicas. But John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito are obsessives and completists and even enjoy that collaboration with Ja Rule. US v. Metallica hinges on Kennedy’s vote — he has admitted in past interviews that St. Anger ‘wasn’t so hot,’ but is committed to listening to it again to rule out ‘knee-jerk reactions’ that could hamper justice… for all.”

In Roth v. United States (1957), the Supreme Court attempted to define obscenity as “whether to the average person, applying contemporary community standards, the dominant theme of the material, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest.” Washington insiders and pundits assume that the Roberts-led court will invoke the Roth test in determining whether Death Magnetic constitutes obscene or pornagraphic material unprotected by the First Amendment.

Unfortunately, Supreme Court Justices are barred from commenting on ongoing proceedings, but according to Federal Prosecutor Mary L. Dutton, “Metallica’s legal team was unsuccessful in recovering the Grammy in Metallica v. Jethro Tull, but recovered to kick Napster’s ass in 2000. Here’s a case with even greater stakes, and it isn’t only a question of Free Speech; this is an opportunity for the only court higher than the court of public opinion to make a determination on whether or not this truly sucks.”

Appropriated from Slate.com.

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend is absolutely not a sadistic sex killer. He is a kind and generally considerate person. But he loves listening to gruesome death metal—music best described as blasting noise with deranged growls and shrieks that often (from what I can tell) celebrates horrendous misogynistic violence. He respects that I am not a fan of this music and doesn’t usually play it when I am around. But he gets a huge charge from listening to it when we have sex and is comparatively lackluster at the deed when he doesn’t have it to fire him up. Although I find the music unpleasant and distracting, I don’t object when I feel focused enough to block it out. What really bothers me are the awful themes. It disturbs me that a seemingly well-adjusted man in his 30s is aroused by torture fantasies set to music. He says it’s just about the “energy” for him, but I really don’t know what to think about someone who wants to listen to Cannibal Corpse when he makes love to me. Am I being oversensitive about this?

—Blasted

Dear Blasted,

It’s always a comfort to know the person you love is not a sadistic sex killer—so right there you have something to build on. I like the image of you two making love: He’s cranking up Cannibal Corpse’s romantic classic “Bloody Chunks” while you’re sticking in the ear buds of your iPod and desperately turning up the volume on Michael Bublé’s version of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.” When you’re not having sex, you say he’s “generally considerate,” which is not exactly a declaration that “I’ve got you under my skin/ I’ve got you deep in the heart of me/ So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me.” But couples need to have sex, and he finds it hard to perform unless you are forced to listen to songs of female dismemberment. As you describe it, you get through these sessions by trying to disassociate yourself from what is going on. This does not sound like a formula for sustained intimacy. I don’t think you’re being oversensitive about the gruesome nature of your boyfriend’s favorite erotic imagery, especially since you are supposed to endure it. I have a hard time seeing where this relationship is headed—it already sounds like a Cannibal Corpse.

—Prudie

Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine has issued the following urgent update to this week’s equally pressing update about his medical condition:

“I am writing this while sitting in my studio, flexing my fingers and pulling tufts of lint out of my navel. Since I have some rare ‘extra time,’ I wanted to make a post about my earlier post this week and what we are doing this weekend. Although I may decide to post about this post sometime this weekend, so perhaps I shall leave the details of what I am going to do to celebrate Labor Day until the day before in order to keep everyone current on all of the terrifically exciting events of my life.

“Pam and I have been looking at ceramic flooring options to replace some of the cracked linoleum in our kitchen. Portions of a couple of the tiles have splintered off. Did you know that you can call Empire at 1-800-588-2300 and receive a free in-home estimate? I did that yesterday. Twice. I’ll admit it: I was a little lonely.

“I was just thinking about the next edition of Gigantour. Maybe Iced Earth can play this year. I’ll have to give the guys in Bobaflex a call and see if they’re available. They give fantastic foot baths and are keen flatterers. Was there a Gigantour last year? I can’t remember. I seem to recall being on stage with Arch Enemy in Perth. Yeah… we should definitely do this again. Please go to the official Gigantour site and MySpace.com/gigantour page for details.

“Thank you for the outpouring of emotion about my medical diagnosis. Do not worry, because I am in a great place and am very happy. Thanks to the miracle of the raging 30-hour Viagra boner, I no longer need to strain my neck to tug at the trouser snake (aka Vic Swollenhead). Arthritis should be a cinch. I appreciate the cards, though.

“Thanks, as well, to Marty Friedman, who recently sent me a ‘fruit bouquet.’ That’s one of those arrangements where the fruit is cut into the shape of flowers. I FUCKING HATE HONEYDEW! IT’S NOT EVEN A REAL FUCKING MELON!!! I appreciate the gesture, though, as well as the funny card: ‘Here’s a basket of pansies for the biggest pansy I know.’

“Justis and Electra are doing well. I recently went to a taping of Electra’s Animal Planet show ‘Faithful Friends’ and learned all about labradoodles. It’s a mix of a Labrador Retriever and a Poodle. Crazy! Meanwhile, Justis has been hanging around the studio lounge with his friend from school, Ryan (a drummer), listening to a bunch of music that isn’t Megadeth. There’s no accounting for taste. Oh well: Chris Broderick knows its only a matter of time until I boot his ass out of Megadeth so my kid can join his old man and shred.

“Oh, and I just received word from the Chamber of Commerce in Rome, NY that February 30, 2009 has officially been declared ‘Dave Mustaine Day’ and that I’m invited to attend the ribbon cutting ceremony!

“It’s great to be alive.”

No one can say for sure how long legendarily reclusive bassist Joe Preston’s tour of duty with Harvey Milk will last. Since his hasty departure from the Melvins in the 1990s, Preston has accepted several invitations to join established acts, only to retreat under mysterious circumstances after reaching his self-imposed maximum limit of one album and one tour. By Preston’s own account, he has quit his own one-man band Thrones and been reinstated by himself at least seventeen times to date.

According to Harvey Milk vocalist Creston Spiers, the rest of the group was surprised — and a little unnerved — when Preston agreed to come to Georgia to record Life… The Best Game in Town. “Obviously, we’re all fans of Joe’s work with High on Fire and The Whip and we were thrilled when he returned the RSVP card with the ‘I plan to attend’ checkbox filled in. His contributions to the record are palpable, but the great thing about Joe is that he never overstays his welcome.” Will having Preston on the group’s upcoming tour change dynamics any? “Actually, we haven’t seen him for days and we’re getting a little nervous.”

Preston’s only confirmed appearance this summer is set for Austin, TX during the weekend of September 26-28, when he will attempt to address his ongoing fears of commitment by joining –and rapidly quitting — all 130 bands set to play at the Austin City Limits festival. Preston’s prersonal record was set in 1999, when he was bumming around Olympia, WA and joined and quit 10 band in one week. No word on how Preston’s marathon feat will affect his already-tumultuous tenure in Harvey Milk, but Sam Beam  — who plans on allowing Preston to play one note before hastily exiting the stage during Iron and Wine’s set at Austin City Limits – is excited to be a part of history: “I heard Joe is duetting with Neko Case on a cover of Tammy Wynette’s ‘D-I-V-O-R-C-E,’ but I’m curious to see what he has cooking with Gnarls Barkley.”

Preston was not available for comment.

Harvey Milk’s new record Life… The Best Game in Town is currently streaming here.

KHANATE PARTNERSHIP AFFIRMED TO BE ‘MORE DEAD THAN EVER’*

NEW YORK–Calling yesterday’s report that Stephen O’Malley had licensed a song from Khanate’s self-titled debut album for use in Leonardo DiCaprio’s forthcoming environmental documentary The 11th Hour “a gross misappropriation of doom metal’s unspoken code of ethics and grimness,” jilted former partner James Plotkin’s legal team went to court today to file a motion to remove “Torching Koroviev” from the film’s soundtrack pending further review.

“While I appreciate that Leonardo DiCaprio has made the transition from former teen idol to successful leading man, I’m not fully sure that DiCaprio can carry an entire film about global warming,” said Plotkin, who answered questions for reporters in an impormptu press conference outside the courthouse this morning. “It is my sincere belief that Khanate’s music would be better served to soundtrack a film about the Ice Age, such as a remake of Quest for Fire or Clan of the Cave Bear.”

When reached for comment, O’Malley dismissed Plotkin’s argument as a mere cry for attention. “James has always behaved like this. There’d be one piece of bread in the refrigerator and I’d repeatedly offer it to him. But as soon as I ate it, he’d give me a sob story about how much he really wanted it,” noted O’Malley, hard at work simultaneously designing the next Sunn O))) record cover on his computer while recording it with a foot pedal. “We tried counseling; it didn’t work.”

Shocked by O’Malley’s callous disregard for his feelings, the sensitive Plotkin preapred another statement for the press: “There’s a number of things I’ve been meaning to get off my chest since Khanate disbanded last year. The differences were, indeed, irreconcilable. The Corrupted discography was always mine; I agreed to let him have it. The Saxon CDs that I mistakenly took were returned immediately to Stephen’s apartment in a box of photos and scrapbooks I couldn’t bear to look at anymore. And, contrary to what he tells his friends, the stuffed rabbit on the nightstand always belonged to me. And I want it back.”

But O’Malley remains unphased by his former partner’s accusations: “You don’t see Toadliquor crying over their inclusion in the film’s soundtrack. We’ve already sold three Toadliquor records through the Southern Lord website since this news was revealed, and that’s three more Toadliquor records than we’ve sold all year! James just can’t stand to see any of his former partners happy, you know? To paraphrase Morrissey, ‘we hate it when our friends get to hang out with Leonard DiCaprio.’”

* While this sentiment is probably true, the rest of this story probably isn’t - we gave our fact-checking department the day off