While it may not be a slow day in the world of news as it pertains to extreme music – Pennsylvania “fuckrock” band Gods & Queens are still fuck rocked in Europe; Mexican gore grinders Rottenness are, last I heard, still stranded in Texas on tour after spending the money they allotted to get home on tequila, tuna and Brutal Truth merch; Hirax absolutely ruled the Goregrowlers Ball in San Antonio two weekends ago; my kid recently penned another of his scathing show reviews after interviewing Dragonforce in Toronto last month – it’s a fast day in the world of laziness and motivational dearth as it pertains to yours truly. And while it’s never a pretty sight when laziness and deadlines collide, it happens all the time in my world where laziness is a lifelong trait and I work in a field where meeting deadlines is half the battle. So, I figured I’d stay true to the sloth my father has loved to point out ever since I took my sweet old time sliding down my mother’s birth canal and this whole Thursday afternoon Deciblog thing I’ve signed up for (“Wait, you mean EVERY Thursday?!”) and take a gander at all the news that’s fit to laugh at on Blabbermouth and give y’all a look at this week’s most awesome headlines. DAVE MUSTAINE SAYS U.S. GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO GET RID OF THE MIDDLE CLASS I will forever be at a crossroads when people who haven’t been part of the middle class for decades show their concern for the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer and those a little bit less than poor not being able to spend their money on Th1rt3en.
FORMER EUROPE GUITARIST TO STAGE FIRST EVER “KEEFEST” This rules! Former Europe guitarist Kee Marcello is lining his ass up for the final countdown by staging a fest at a big-ass race track/complex outside of Gothenburg in late June. He’s expecting people to saunter over from all corners of mainland Europe and Scandinavia despite not yet having booked anyone outside of his own ego to perform.
TRIVIUM Vs. IN FLAMES: “FOOD WARS” CLIP POSTED ONLINE According to this compelling bit, the members of In Flames hooked up with Trivium’s Matt Heafy in a battle of food connoisseur-ism, NOT to see who’s written the more reprehensible metal in recent memory. The meeting took place at a Gothenburg restaurant owned by the members of In Flames and was taped for television posterity. Insert your own wise cracks here.
JANE'S ADDICTION SINGER OUTRAGES BRAZILIAN FANS Outrage averted when the website hawking tickets for the Brazilian run of Lollapalooza crashes due to overwhelming demand. Either Brazilians, as a people, love being insulted or someone’s making a big deal out of innocuous comments from the mouth of Perry Farrell. You decide.
DUFF MCKAGAN SINGS MOTÖRHEAD's PRAISES In other news, every metal head ever sings Motorhead’s praises.
TIM 'RIPPER' OWENS PERFORMS ACOUSTICALLY AT HIS OWN RESTAURANT That Keefest guy should take a lesson here: there’s no need to rope off an entire racing complex for an ego stroke. Just open your own “rockin’ sports eatery,” pack the house then lock the doors. Game, set and match.
FORMER THE RUNAWAYS BANDMATES LITA FORD AND JOAN JETT MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS The follow-up story in which Lita gets pissed at Joan for calling her by her full name (Carmelita, by the way) while reminiscing over the 70s hair styling tricks they used to achieve those flowing locks and killer, center parts proves to be marginally more exciting.
GUNS N' ROSES BASSISST: “FOR THE MOST PART, AXL TELLS US WHAT HE WANTS.” The news here isn’t that former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson has been GN’R for 14 years (14 years?! Who knew?), it’s that after a decade-and-a-half he still hasn’t figured out what the hell is going on under his own nose, what the meandering Axl Rose is trying to do or where the band is going.
GUNS N' ROSES BASSIST ON AXL's CONCERT TARDINESS” “HE DOES HIS BEST TO GET OUT THERE ON TIME” See what we mean? Also, when asked if the band is in writing mode three years after Chinese Democracy, Stinson replies he’s not sure. Geez, wouldn’t it be obvious if the band you’re in was in the process of writing an album? There have been many calls for the GN’R moniker to rest in peace. "Axl and the Enablers" seems as good a name as any.
AC/DC FANS UPSET SIGNATURE SONG USED IN WALMART COMMERCIALS …but remain surprisingly non-plussed about none-too-subtle placement in Maximum Overdrive, Jerry Maguire, Little Nicky, School of Rock and Iron Man…
FORMER BLACK SABBATH SINGER TONY MARTIN CONTEMPLATING RE-RELEASING DEBUT SOLO ALBUM Funny, those slogging it out in the trenches of the music industry go on and on about no one buying records anymore, yet will still contemplate making available an album no one wanted in the first place.
KISS SHRINE INTERFERES WITH TELECOMMUNICATIONS COMPANY’S SERVICE America’s fastest, most reliable network thwarted by Peter Criss action figures and a replica pair of Gene Simmons’ platform boots.