All it took was one six-minute video by comedian Dave Hill to reveal what we've all suspected: Black metal fans lack the "humor" gene. When presented with anything— a Youtube video of someone getting hit in the nuts with a ball, for instance—that requires their grim face to contort into something ungrim, and simultaneously makes them feel like emitting a weird sound like "ha ha ha," they just lash out like angry badgers. What, you may ask, caused such a reaction? Metal Injection recently asked "The King of Metal" (aka Hill) to review some recent modern black metal releases. This is what he came up with.
Whether or not you find Hill's shtik chuckle-worthy, there's no denying the unintentional hilarity of the comments in response to said video. Hill obviously struck a nerve that required the kind of outrage reserved for metal news websites and political conservative/liberal party-baiting blogs. Observe:
Personally, "BucketMan," we think Euronymous, if he came back, would have bigger fish to fry than the King of Metal. We gotta think that a certain Stabby McStabberson solo artist living in the wilds of Norway might actually be topping his list. Then maybe he'd stab himself.
Then there's this:
The "g" in "gmike620" no doubt stands for grim. He's so grim, in fact, that he not only vehemently objects to everything the King of Metal has to say, he also hates the bands being reviewed. He does, however, make a valid point that being a greeter at Walmart may be one of the worst jobs ever.
This one is troubling for entirely different reasons:
As far as we can tell, "Roeseph" seems to believe that the King of Metal is so untr00 that he bags groceries at Jewel for a living. Ouch. Based on what, we're not sure. What we can be very certain of is that Roeseph has a serious anger management issue.
We're not sure that anyone with the screen name of "LetThereBeProg" is really in a position to lay judgment as to the gayness of a "cliche pentagram." And who's to say that the King of Metal isn't actually friends with Fenriz? (see above photo of Hill with Immortal)
Now it's your turn Decibel readers. That comments section below isn't going to fill itself with misspelled, grammatically incorrect rantings and threats.