For Those About to Squawk: Waldo's Pecks of the Week

Every other Friday, Waldo the African Grey Parrot, frontbird of thrash-grind immortals Hatebeak, will get you caught up on the week’s latest “extreme” releases. Okay, guys—I’d say ladies, too, but we ALL know squawking well that no women read this: Here's some new birdshit for you for this bi-week, "bi" being the operative word on some of these upcoming pecks.

VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE! release the utterly abhorrent Kiss the Sun Goodbye! I know I like to peck the hell out of stuff like this, but this is atrocious! Get out your capes and your tight pants. I mean, I guess it goes without saying that gothy-type metal and feyness really go hand-in-hand, but this takes it to a new level! A band like this could only be from the U.K. or L.A., and in this case it’s the latter! Regular chuggy chugs alongside sung vocals, then switching into Auto-Tune! If this is your thing, go ahead and grab your copy of I Am Legend—you know, the one with the really lame vampires—shave your legs and dance around with fake fangs and that DayGlo skull that you bought from Spencer’s Gifts in the mall! Apparently this sounds more like their older stuff… usually a return to form is a GOOD thing! This makes Neil Patrick Harris on acid sound appealing! I just puked up my seeds! 1 Fucking Peck!

weekend nachos

WEEKEND NACHOS prove they not only have one of the funnest names in hardcore/metal, but that they can bring the hate. Relapse will release Worthless, and this release is anything BUT. WN have a completely nihilistic, hateful approach to powerviolence, and Worthless proves it: blast beats, hardcore breakdowns, furious punk riffs and spiteful vocals mash together to meld into one solid release. I can’t really squawk enough about how fucking awesome this is. One of my faves of the year so far; do yourself a favor and grab some NACHOS this WEEKEND! 9 Fucking Pecks.

Main/former/current, well, what-the-squawk-ever from Immortal, DEMONAZ, is instilling upon this earth another bland death 'n' roll album. It’s not that March of the Norse is particularly bad—it’s not. However, I’m just pecking sick of ye olde tyme black metal legends proving how black metal they can be by throwing more and more back to the forbears of this genre. Yes, I squawking know he has tendonitis, and yes, I know that he’s a living legend, but this thing makes me want to roost. Really not all that impressive, plus he looks like a heavy metal raccoon. This is more black metal:

More like Demon-ASS. (Sorry, it had to be done/) 4 Fucking Pecks.

One review of the new album by CULTES DE GOULES, which I think translates roughly to CULT OF GHOULS, reads as such “Synowie kozy? Nie tylko. I samego diabła. A tyś jest kurwi syn. Twoja matka nawet nie jest pewna tego, kto jest twoim ojcem, ty obkurwieńcu.” I couldn’t have squawked it better myself, actually. This is pretty good stuff, Abruptum-style black metal with a little more clarity. Not breaking any new ground here, but respectable. I’ll take a point off of the review for the name at least. Pick up Haxen, or if you don’t feel like it, pick up the film Haxan—that’s pretty good, too. 6 Fucking Pecks.

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