For Those About to Squawk: Waldo's Pecks of the Week

Every other Friday, Waldo the African Grey Parrot, frontbird of thrash-grind immortals Hatebeak, will get you caught up on the week’s latest “extreme” releases. Happy almost-V Day, you loveless fucks. First of all, I’m implementing a rating scale of 0-10 FUCKING pecks (you old school S.O.D. fans will know what’s up). Since it’s a day of love, it’s time to get your hate on. Remember the first time you ever heard about Juggalos? Remember your first visit to the doctor after that sticky fumbling in a ditch where you SWORE that was a woman? Well, this is worse. Victory Records continues to go downhill releasing Dr. Acula’s Slander. Although heavier and more cohesive than their previous releases, this is worthless. A cruel joke on what extreme metal should be. This guy does a keyboard flip, NO JOKE. This is horrible, utter garbage. Not even funny to send to your friends. If there is a hell, this will be the soundtrack playing there. 0 Pecks (doesn’t even deserve the word "Fucking"). This is shit.

Just to keep the vibe going, Metal Blade release Ukon Wacka by Korpiklaani. Pagan folk metal at its finest, if there is such a thing. Dudes dressed like Lord of the Rings and Braveheart rejects playing “metal” and dancing-around-campfires type of stuff. I’m sure somewhere there’s someone that appreciates the movie Willow , and would appreciate this music, but they should be axed. Violins and furs abound. This is their seventh (!!!) record. I DO like the record cover, though, and they have a bunch of songs about drinking, but this birdbrain is baffled how a Finnish folk metal band can comment on “tequila” (in the song “Tequila,” of course). Ukon Wacka, or just plain Ukon Wack? 1 Fucking Peck, or 7 Elves. You decide.

Rabbits? Never cared for the things myself, but Lower Forms, released on Relapse is pretty preening good. Full of low-end heavy, and I do mean heavy rock, with screamed/tortured vocals. With ex members of VSS, Angel Hair and Pleasure Forever, how could it be bad? While Lower Forms may not be a metal record, it pecking rocks, and that’s what matters. This band is definitely ahead of the warren in the AmRep/noise rock revival. 7 Fucking Pecks.

The bad boy of blasphemy is back. Deicide release To Hell With God on Century Media. While there is nothing that strays from form here, this is a solid release by these death metal stalwarts. Their third installment since the departure of the Hoffman Brothers, this by far is one of their better releases since the Scars of the Crucifix era. All in all, this release shows more maturity from the band and proves that old-school death metal is not dead or forgotten. Kudos to Asheim for the brutal drumming. 8 Fucking Pecks.

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