An Unauthorized Guide to Maryland Deathfest XI

We got semi-retired punk/metal atavist Stevo do Caixão, currently of Tombstones and formerly of the legendary Impetigo, as well as Axeslasher guitarist/vocalist Professor Pizza, and metal scribe Andy O'Connor -- sadly, that's his real name -- currently of Pitchfork, Metalsucks, and Noisey, among other publications, to break down the upcoming Maryland Deathfest, debunk old myths and create new ones... Stevo do Caixão: So this is eleven years of Maryland Deathfest, how does that make you feel? Old? Sick? Like you need more sleep and more money?

Professor Pizza: It makes me feel like it should be in a nicer place than Sonar.

Andy O'Connor: Well, this is actually my first ever Deathfest. So, it doesn't really make me feel old.

Professor Pizza: Although there's hella titty bars around Sonar, so that's awesome.

Andy O'Connor: Isn't there one where you can bring in fried chicken? This is VERY important.

Professor Pizza: There's one next to a chicken place where you can indeed bring the chicken inside. If you're smooth enough you can feed the strippers.

Andy O'Connor: RIP Andy, that's my Vallhalla.

Stevo do Caixão: I tend to agree, fried chicken is kind of important not only to metal, but to the festival atmosphere in general.

Andy O'Connor: Austin does not bang when it comes to fried chicken. I hope Baltimore has the goods. You know your city got the fried chicken game fucked up when the main alt-weekly devotes a cover story to that very issue.

Professor Pizza: I know it sounds ridiculous, but there's a tasty fucking barbecue place in Baltimore near the harbor.

Andy O'Connor: Barbecue? That far north? Hella sus.

Stevo do Caixão: So Thursday night is "Just the Tip" night.

Andy O'Connor: My flight gets in around 4:15, may miss the first band. Stoked on Deiphago and their brand of PCP black metal. And Bolt Thrower, obviously.

Professor Pizza: “Just the Tip” night last year was rad. Autopsy had the police pull the plug on them.

Andy O'Connor: Autopsy gets it turnt up. When I saw them at Chaos it was ratchet for a death metal show.

Professor Pizza: I'm pretty much only going for Cobalt and Bolt Thrower on Thursday. Pretty interested to see those Colorado boys considering I'm from there and have never seen them.

Stevo do Caixão: Well, that's my point. For Abigail and Bolt Thrower night, you could do a lot worse with "just the tip.” And yes, things got crazy last year.

Andy O'Connor: Cobalt will be interesting. Man's Gin were awesome two SXSWs ago.

Stevo do Caixão: So what are the chances of there being trouble with the law during Bolt Thrower's set? And with Cobalt being sandwiched between Abigail and Bolt Thrower? Professor Pizza: I'd say it's fucking guaranteed. First night, everyone's going to be FUCKED UP. Got that pre-festival excitement combined with no supervision.

Andy O'Connor: This ain't grown and sexy weekend. We ain't mature and secure.

Professor Pizza: I foresee the giant columns in the middle of the venue snapping in the wake of the pit. Or at least a lot of shirtless fat dude stage dives.

Andy O'Connor: You will see me shirtless that weekend.

Professor Pizza: Everyone ends up shirtless at MDF at some point.

Stevo do Caixão: Friday night at Sonar is allowing a considerable amount of blood loss, in my opinion. Just the stage 1 lineup alone, I am getting dizzy.

Andy O'Connor: Pig Destoyer and then Repulsion on the next stage? Shieeeeet. That's my Friday right there.

Stevo do Caixão: Yeah, passing time is going to be a premium. I've had the pleasure to play with Repulsion in the past, Scott Carlson is one of the greatest human beings ever.

Andy O'Connor: Are Carlson and Iggy Pop related?

Stevo do Caixão: This could be possible, they are both from parts of Michigan.

Andy O'Connor: Flint and Ann Arbor. Could happen.

Professor Pizza: Never seen Pig Destroyer some i'm stoked as shit for that. Also, last time I had the chance to see Carcass I was in jail, so this will be a suitable replacement.

Stevo do Caixão: I made Scott Carlson t-shirts in 1987 that just had Scott Carlson on them.

Professor Pizza: Do you have any in XXL?

Stevo do Caixão: No, I don't have them anymore.

Professor Pizza: You should.

Andy O'Connor: Did they even sell XXL metal shirts in 87?

Stevo do Caixão: The photo I used was a great one, from War and Pain zine where Scott was on his knees with a bass on stage, and short hair, and his tongue was sticking out. Andy, Glenn Danzig didn't sell XXL shirts, so nobody else did either. He was a trendsetter, you know.

Andy O'Connor: I saw Danzig on Monday. So many dirt bags. Also, I think XXL shirts really didn't come around till Crowbar. How Crowbar has fans that wear medium, I'll never know.

Professor Pizza: Let me guess, no cell phone photography.

Andy O'Connor: Yup. I've never seen so few cell phones in the air in my life. Well, since cell phones at shows being ubiquitous anyway.

Professor Pizza: He plays it off like it's because he wants people to watch the show, but really it's because he's got soft titties now and doesn't want it floating around the internet.

Andy O'Connor: Yeah he looks like a midget John Travolta.

Stevo do Caixão: So let's get back to CARCASS for a moment. It's probably true that if you never saw them in 1989/1990 then you will never really see them now.

Andy O'Connor: I saw them back in 2008. It was pretty cool, but I dunno if I'd want to see them again. I'm not as stoked as I am on say, Repulsion, Pig Destroyer or Sleep.

Stevo do Caixão: So what I want to know is...what are your thoughts on the new lineup, and do you think there are some unrealistic expectations, good or bad?

Professor Pizza: I've never seen them and am fucking excited.

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza, that's a very valid point.

Andy O'Connor: Very valid. "Quandry" will still go hard as fuck.

Professor Pizza: Rotten Sound on that side stage though. Will be guns out at that shit.

Stevo do Caixão: OK, so let me ask you this: have you ever seen Righteous Pigs before?

Andy O'Connor: Haven't seen Rigtheous Pigs. Have they done reunion shows other than this?

Stevo do Caixão: No, this is their first since 1993. Joe Caper, my friends, is a truly intense individual.

Professor Pizza :Yeah? You got a story on him? Sounds like you do.

Stevo do Caixão: Caper was highly infleuenced by GG Allin back in the day, so if I were you I wouldn't miss Righteous Pigs. He's from Chicago, we used to see him at shows once in a while, very solid brother.

Professor Pizza: That's all the endorsement I need.

Andy O'Connor: Same here. Gives a whole new meaning to "the Brown Line."

Stevo do Caixão: You got it.

Andy O'Connor: Shit goes down on the way to Ravenswood. And up. And side to side.

Stevo do Caixão: Ingrowing BEFORE Pelican on Day One is an interesting arrangement.

Professor Pizza: I'm guessing Pelican have a special set lined up of nothing but Cannibal Corpse covers.

Andy O'Connor: Pelican is closing the night out too. We'll be all rested up for Saturday!

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza, my intelligence suggests that they will be Obituary covers instead, but either could be true right now.

Professor Pizza: Slowly We Rock.

Stevo do Caixão: Saturday on Stage 1, there's where the fried chicken will come in handy.

Andy O'Connor: Ho ho yes. Po up the drank.

Stevo do Caixão: I don't see a problem with passing time here, my guess is that if you're inclined to visit Stage 1 at 4:00, you'll be there till midnight.

Andy O'Connor: Gotta be honest, not too stoked bout Melvins and Down being on MDF. Love those bands, they've put on great shows, but MDF to me is about seeing bands one normally wouldn't see. And Down and Melvins tour a lot.

Stevo do Caixão: Same goes for Stage 3.

Andy O'Connor: I saw Antaeus at Rites of Darkness. They are nothing to fuck with.

Professor Pizza: I've never been to Rites of Darkness but I banged a girl who went. I would not recommend it.

Stevo do Caixão: But seeing the Obsessed as a primer gives you time to hustle over to see Aosoth. They are FRENCH, though.

Andy O'Connor: Rites was a huge shitshow but that's a topic for another day. Aosoth and Anteaus are esentially the same band though. I do love me French BM. And French girls.

Professor Pizza: The Baltimore sound stage on saturday is my shit. Massgrav, Weekend Nachos, Vitamin X and then I'm going full ape during Infest.

Andy O'Connor: I saw Kommandant when I was living in Chicago. Very lulzy.

Professor Pizza: Kommandant. I dunno about all that.

Andy O'Connor: They fuck with that "fascist" look and it just doesn't work. Also their music sucks.

Stevo do Caixão: Terveedt Kadet, I *do* know about that, though.

Professor Pizza: Sometimes it looks like they picked up a few things at a Marilyn Manson yard sale and then built the rest around it. But I actually like their sound.

Andy O'Connor: Revenge though. I'mma be cracking gas masks and stealing chains during their set.

Professor Pizza: But anyway i hate black metal and will be avoiding that stage.

Stevo do Caixão: Kommandant are comprised of a handful of folks I recognized from a lot of other Chicago bands.

Professor Pizza: But if you're looking to rob someone i think all the rich nerds will be at that stage so criminals enjoy.

Stevo do Caixão: PRO TIP: STAGE 3 SATURDAY NIGHT, LOTS OF FANTASTIC CAR KEYS.

Andy O'Connor: I think all the nerds will be jizzing over Ishan.

Professor Pizza: Find me at the side stage sipping on chicken.

Stevo do Caixão: That's why Revenge is playing at the same time, perhaps?

Andy O'Connor: Yup.

Professor Pizza: One of my favorite things about MDF is wandering into a strangely intimate moment, like a black metal band playing to just a handful of really devoted fans. It feels like you caught someone jerking off and you don't know if you should stay or go.

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza, that is quite poetic and somewhat erudite.

Andy O'Connor: He is truly blessed.

Stevo do Caixão: "Move along folks, nothing to see here.” Sunday night at Baltimore, Citizens Arrest is playing. THE Citizens Arrest.

Andy O'Connor: The link between Ted Leo and Incantation!

Stevo do Caixão: That should remain a dark secret, Andy.

Andy O'Connor: Like Craig Pillard's past?

Stevo do Caixão: Craig is a wonderful guy.

Andy O'Connor: Passionate about staying hydrated.

Stevo do Caixão: Here's my point: I spent the night on the living room floor in 1991 with members of Incantation and Rottrevore...all on Jim Fleet's floor (PHLEGM). A bond was formed there that cannot be broken. If you aren't sure about this, just ask Roy Fox the next time you see him.

Andy O'Connor: Is Roy Fox the metal Redd Foxx?

Professor Pizza: I know all about floor bonds. I am forever floor bonded with a guy named Boner from Oxnard.

Stevo do Caixão: Ronny Deo's farting and Mark Mastro's snoring were a great deal more evil than mulit-generational legions of NSBM bands could every hope to muster. I haven't seen him in 10 years but if I do, I'm picking that mother fucker up and buying him a drink. If you ever need assistance for warfare, any of those guys will do.

Andy O'Connor: Talk about gas chambers.

Stevo do Caixão: Well, Fleet's house had other noxious oders, mostly latent.

Professor Pizza: All punk houses share a common smell. I think that's just what "fuck it" smells like.

Stevo do Caixão: So back to Citizens Arrest...playing before Converge, is that a good thing or a bad thing? will you skip Carpathian Forest for this?

Professor Pizza: Probably will not stay for Converge but I definitely need that 1-2-3 shot of Iron Lung, Magrudergrind, and Citizens Arrest.

Stevo do Caixão: That's interesting...you will miss VENOM for Magrudergrind?

Andy O'Connor: Converge are cool but they'll come to Austin some other time. You put Venom in all caps like it means something.

Stevo do Caixão: I wanted to underline VENOM.

Andy O'Connor: Ain't trying to see Cronos' bald headed ass black funky metal ass.

Professor Pizza: Depends. That stage could seduce me over with the Midnight/Sacred Reich combo. Sleep I've seen too many times to get properly amped.

Andy O'Connor: Cronos can't yell "MANTAS!" during Bloodlust ala Poison. Fuck it. I've never seen Sleep. I'm amped.

Professor Pizza: Well, then we must get you higher than giraffe pussy.

Stevo do Caixão: What if he yelled "ANDY" during Bloodlust, would that change your mind?

Andy O'Connor: Yes. And yes.

Stevo do Caixão: I wasn't even going to bring up Sacred Reich, but since Pizza did.

Andy O'Connor: Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Professor Pizza: Haters!

Stevo do Caixão: How did this happen? are we doing the Surf Nicaragua again?

Professor Pizza: I'm hoping for a front to back rendition of "The American Way."

Andy O'Connor: "Retro-thrash" is dead according to IO. Kids want the real thing.

Stevo do Caixão: This bears repeating: it was bands like Sacred Reich that gave fuel to the whole black metal thing in the early 90s.

Andy O'Connor: Are they "life metal?" Wasn't black metal a reaction against "life metal?" I'm gonna form "bout that life metal."

Professor Pizza: That sounds like some white people shit.

Stevo do Caixão: Guys, I don't know for sure, but every action has an opposite and equal reaction, and rebellion is rebellion.

Andy O'Connor: Metal is white people's soul music.

Stevo do Caixão: I wholeheartedly agree, but not just white, I would venture that it is any nationality's "common man" music.

Professor Pizza: Not to sound uppity but Metal is for anyone that knows struggle.

Stevo do Caixão: If we are all blue collar diehard and tired, metal will unite us eventually.

Professor Pizza: If you ain't struggled, I ain't interested.

Stevo do Caixão: That's exactly my point.

Professor Pizza: Truth factor. I think that's because metal is very visual, but it's also clear in it's communication. The message matches the medium.

Stevo do Caixão: Is Midnight the Cleveland band?

Andy O'Connor: Yes they are.

Professor Pizza: Man I can't believe we ain't talked about the Speedwolf/Integrity stage.

Andy O'Connor: Yo I want a East L.A. 666 shirt really bad.

Stevo do Caixão: OK, for a moment there I thought MDF had the right connections and were resurrecting the former Crimson Glory vocalist. Which on a bill with Pagan Altar is closer to truth than fiction.

Andy O'Connor: I don't give a fuck how cheesy "Lonely" is, that song is my jam.

Stevo do Caixão: I love old Crimson Glory, of course, and I cried like a little girl when I heard Midnight had passed away.

Professor Pizza: If we're resurrecting people let's start with Dimebag so we can end all the tumblr posts on his birthday.

Andy O'Connor: As much I would say yes to that, being a native Texan: Damageplan. Do we really want more of that?

Stevo do Caixão: Well, GRIP, Inc. are back together.

Professor Pizza: Everyone is back together, it's getting kinda nuts.

Andy O'Connor: Isn't that how MDF makes their bacon? And Chaos. And plenty of other fests. I wonder if they all meet to decide who reunites.

Professor Pizza: Who's the Suge Knight of metal setting this shit up? Next year: Cliff Burton hologram.

Stevo do Caixão: I think that a Bobby Liebling hologram with the real Bobby Liebling on stage would be something else.

Professor Pizza: Dismember hologram performing only Override the Overture for 3 hours straight

Stevo do Caixão: But you pretty much get this with Pagan Altar...father and son.

Andy O'Connor: I hope Bobby has really high platform shoes.

Stevo do Caixão: We haven't talked about Speedwolf yet.

Professor Pizza: One of the worst shows I've ever seen was Pentagram, and it wasn't even their fault. I had a head full of mushrooms with my buddy and we were beyond amped. As soon as Pentagram takes the stage Bobby informs us that their guitar player quit the night before, and they've got a local dude filling in. He didn't know their songs, so they jammed for like an hour.

Andy O'Connor: Oh yeah I heard about that fiasco.

Professor Pizza: It was a metal Phish concert.

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza, that is the worst concert story ever.

Andy O'Connor: Pentagram were hot fire when I saw them at the Empty Bottle in '10.

Stevo do Caixão: "This is Derek Smalls, he wrote this!"

Andy O'Connor: Also, that Liebling movie is quite possibly the only music doc sadder than Some Kind of Monster.

Stevo do Caixão: Unless you include Who's Harry Nilsson and You're Gonna Miss Me.

Professor Pizza: My favorite sad music doc is "I Think We're Alone Now."

Stevo do Caixão: Yeah, that's one of mine also. There will be more French black metal when Glorior Belli opens for Pagan Altar.

Professor Pizza: Are they that Alcest-y french black metal that's really just sad pop?

Andy O'Connor: I wish. Only the French can do fruity right.

Professor Pizza: I'd rather eat chicken

Stevo do Caixão: Apparently, they have a side band for the real fruity stuff.

Professor Pizza: Really? Even fruitier?

Stevo do Caixão: What is the best food to accompany Glorior Belli then?

Professor Pizza: Ribs, no bib, all hands.

Stevo do Caixão: "The Great Southern Darkness" could be about ribs.

Andy O'Connor:That's how you're supposed to eat 'em.

Stevo do Caixão: Not black metal...burnt end metal.

Professor Pizza: Mark of the tri tip.

Stevo do Caixão: Rib Tip Tub.

Andy O'Connor: Lockhart of Darkness.

Professor Pizza: But anyway, Speedwolf.

Andy O'Connor: SPEEDWOLF.

Professor Pizza: I can't wait to see them at MDF.

Stevo do Caixão: Well, I tried to bring it up

Andy O'Connor: I'm still not used to the fact that I can't see them regularly, and I haven't lived in Colorado for a year.

Professor Pizza: The dabs lead the conversation in many strange ways. It's like reading tea leaves; just gotta go where it flows. I'm just fucking hyped for them man. Jake plays bass in Axeslasher, and my first band ever was with Reed. Got lots of history and nothing but love. Can't wait to see them slaughter.

Stevo do Caixão: They are playing early, so you could bring ribs also.

Professor Pizza: I think Reed would appreciate it if we brought ribs.

Andy O'Connor: MDF cookout needs to happen.

Stevo do Caixão: Are cookouts allowed anywhere outside? Probably not, but this is the music of the common man and of rebellion, we should be able to grill any fucking where we want to.

Professor Pizza: There's grills but they use them for the festival food cookers. And they're nasty.

Andy O'Connor 2:34 PM: Hopefully with all this BLACK METAL HELLFIRE on saturday anything dropped on stage will cook.

Stevo do Caixão: I mean, fuck the loud noise. I want to grill with my friends. That's METAL.

Andy O'Connor: I guess food at MDF ain't bangin'?

Professor Pizza: The better plan is a mid-day drug fueled pool party at the hotel.

Stevo do Caixão: But then you miss Speedwolf.

Andy O'Connor: What's Speedwolf without SPEED?

Professor Pizza: Early morning drug and pool party then immediately head to Speedwolf still in your board shorts and floaties.

Stevo do Caixão: And you also miss Contrastic, who are from the Czech Republic and might be a lot of fun.

Professor Pizza: They keep making noise on the internet about the food being better and having actual food vendors.

Andy O'Connor: Rites made those claims too. Just sayin'.

Professor Pizza:Last year it was like a communist country. LEFT LINE BURGERS. RIGHT LINE HOT DOGS.

Stevo do Caixão: So what is the TRUTH about the food?

Andy O'Connor: Justin is against hot dogs. Is he a closet case?

Professor Pizza: Well, last year they were heating up pizzas ordered the night before on a fucking grill.

Stevo do Caixão: But that's the best way to warm them up.

Professor Pizza: A dirty bum fucked grill covered in pubes.

Andy O'Connor: MMMMM MMMMM bitch!

Stevo do Caixão: OK, that's not good, then. Unless that IS your thing.

Professor Pizza: To each their own. I saw a dude and a chick make out in a pile of trash last year. There's something for everyone there. She was hot too.

Andy O'Connor: Fucking crusties.

Professor Pizza: The crusties don't come. Well, they do but they don't come in unless they sneak in.

Andy O'Connor: Spanging Wall.

Professor Pizza: One girl last year was asking people for the 'extra' on the wristband, then she sewed a bunch of them together and went in.

Andy O'Connor: Crust crafts.

Stevo do Caixão: That's absolutely kvlt.

Professor Pizza: I agree. I was impressed.

Stevo do Caixão: If I had an extra, and knew she was that enterprising...what I mean to say is, certainly those extras weren't free. Would it cost her a cigarette? Do they allow smoking?

Professor Pizza: She was just cutting the extra bit of the bracelet that hangs out. You can smoke outside anywhere but not inside. You know considering how many barbarians are there pissing and littering, they do a pretty good job of keeping it clean.

Stevo do Caixão: One must-see band on Thursday "Just the Tip" night...GO.

Professor Pizza: Bolt Thrower.

Andy O'Connor: Other than Bolt Thrower? Deiphago.

Professor Pizza: Second answer: Bolt Thrower.

Andy O'Connor: Third answer: Bolt Thrower.

Stevo do Caixão: One must-see band on Friday at Sonar...GO.

Andy O'Connor: Pig Destroyer, no question.

Professor Pizza: Carcass is the obvious but I'm going with Pig Destroyer.

Andy O'Connor: Repulsion is a close second.

Professor Pizza: Repulsion is required viewing at MDF.

Stevo do Caixão: I would have a hard time not being curious enough to see how CARCASS sounds, I was friends with Bill many years ago, but I wouldn't miss Replusion, and my goodness Righteous Pigs...guys, I was pen pals with Mitch when he was just a kid and this band was new, I have old soundboard live tapes, and a long history with them.

Professor Pizza: That fucking rules.

Stevo do Caixão: I think Pig Destroyer are amazing though. Fortunately, you don't have to miss one to see the other, but you know what I'm getting at.

Professor Pizza: Definitely seeing both.

Andy O'Connor: It's going down.

Stevo do Caixão: How about Baltimore stage Friday night? Who's the WINNER?

Professor Pizza: Rotten Sound.

Andy O'Connor: Gehenna. Mike Cheese loves talking shit.

Professor Pizza: Also Hellshock. Too many winners at this fest.

Stevo do Caixão: Rotten Sound has quite a resume.

Andy O'Connor: Rotten Sound is opening for Baroness at Chaos...yeah.

Professor Pizza: That's almost as baffling as The Accused opening for Sunn O))).

Andy O'Connor: Which sounds better to me.

Stevo do Caixão: It definitely sounds WEIRDER. Sonar Saturday...who's your pick to click?

Andy O'Connor: Loss. Because I've been screwed out of seeing them twice. Probably just jinxed myself. Mike from Loss is the funeral doom Kirk from Crowbar.

Professor Pizza: I don't even think I'll head to Sonar that day. Nothing but Baltimore Sound Stage and crab cakes.

Stevo do Caixão: With Terveedt Kadet, it will be CRUST crab cakes.

Andy O'Connor: Crustcrabcakes.

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza, you're going to miss Broken Hope if you don't go to Sonar.

Professor Pizza: That's true, and I have seen Weekend Nachos before. Broken Hope is my pick for Sonar on Saturday, but Saturday is really all about INFEST.

Andy O'Connor: You know those old cartoons where a fat dude enters a sauna and comes out skinny? That's what seeing Weekend Nachos in a basement during the summer felt like. Like Rats are my Sat Sound Stage pick.

Stevo do Caixão: They share a member with Weekend Nachos, yes?

Andy O'Connor: Andy Nelson. Plays bass for 'em.

Stevo do Caixão: I have so much love for Chicago.

Andy O'Connor: I went to a party at his crib once cause I was tight with his roommate Todd, who plays in LR. Somebody gave Andy a whole box of Ed Hardy longsleeves for free and he was rocking them all night. Chicago fucking rules, I'd live there if i couldn't live in Austin.

Professor Pizza: I've never been but have tons of friends that live there.

Stevo do Caixão: In fact, one of the greatest moments of my career was when I was in the front row watching CIANIDE at the CIM Fest in 2007. Someone bumped me in the back of the head, and I turned around, it was Johnny Vomit in the flesh, and this is what he said: "Stevo, I'm Johnny Vomit, and this beer is for YOU!"

Andy O'Connor: FUCK YES!

Professor Pizza: Holy shit!

Stevo do Caixão: Then he handed me one for Scott. I handed it up to Scott, who took it from me, took a hit, set it down, and gave me the sign \m/ ALL while he was playing.

Professor Pizza: They don't make cool like that anymore.

Stevo do Caixão: Getting a beer from Johnny Vomit, guys, is one of the koolest things ever.

Andy O'Connor: A buddy of mine tried to fight Cianide once. He denies it to this day. You don't fuck with the South Side.

Stevo do Caixão: You can't fight Cianide, you'll never win. They are just too LOUD.

Professor Pizza: Blow the buckles off your jacket loud.

Stevo do Caixão: We weren't really from Chicago, but spent so much time there, all of those guys welcomed us as brothers every time, no matter what. So, any of those guys you run into - Weekend Nachos, Like Rats, Kommandant, whomever, if you shake their hands, you're shaking mine.

Andy O'Connor: Infinite handshakes.

Professor Pizza: If we shake hands with Kommandant they're definitely going to have questions about this interview.

Stevo do Caixão: I wouldn't worry about that.

Andy O'Connor: I ain't scurred.

Stevo do Caixão: Just remind them that there is NO FUCKING WAY you're putting ketchup on a hot dog.

Professor Pizza: That's the Chigagoan safe word. The hand signal is putting a whole fucking pickle on your hot dog

Andy O'Connor: Dragged through the casket garden.

Stevo do Caixão: Don't even bring up the "Chicago-style Pizza,” the hot dog is the key.

Professor Pizza: I like a Chicago Dog.

Andy O'Connor: The snap is key.

Stevo do Caixão: Bratwurst: the metal sausage.

Professor Pizza: Sausage is the most metal meat to share with your friends.

Andy O'Connor: Polish sausage goes great with Graveland.

Stevo do Caixão: OH YES.

Professor Pizza: Chorizo and Los Crudos.

Stevo do Caixão: Sonar on Sunday. Who's WINNING? Sacred Reich?

Andy O'Connor: Pfft. Sleep. Get loud with some loud.

Professor Pizza: Integrity! Gonna watch people fuck it up like it's 1996 and the cops are on their way!

Stevo do Caixão: Interesting!

Professor Pizza: Speedwolf obviously but that was a no brainer.

Stevo do Caixão: Don't forget the ribs.

Professor Pizza: Ribs and extra cowboy boots.

Stevo do Caixão: Sounds like the name of the next EP, I want a shout out on that one.

Andy O'Connor: Reed's white snakeskin boots >

Stevo do Caixão: > Season 2 of South Park

Professor Pizza: Those are the boots of a man who's all about doing and not about talking.

Andy O'Connor: T.C.B.

Stevo do Caixão: TCOB. I always add the "O" because otherwise it reads like an 80s Belgian metal song title "Taking Care Business."

Andy O'Connor: *Eastern European Their Engrish powers are stronger.

Stevo do Caixão: Like mid-80s Pantera. "P.S.T." PU SEE TIGHT.

Andy O'Connor: Take a look at my ice cream cone baby. Come on, take a lick. Maybe my favorite Pantera lyric ever.

Professor Pizza: Just mentioning Pantera stirs up something inside Andy's Texas blood. Dimebag: The modern Alamo.

Andy O'Connor: Ya damn right it does.

Stevo do Caixão: I should mention JAG PANZER, then.

Professor Pizza: Jag Panzer?

Stevo do Caixão: The TYRANT, he was from TEXAS. "I like to fight, I like to screw, feel the heat begin to rIIIIIIIIIIIIse!!"

Professor Pizza: Damn Texas sounds rad.

Andy O'Connor: It rules.

Stevo do Caixão: “Black leather lords we're so tall and so proud/Warfare is our battle cry, shout it aloud.” I just always think of Jag Panzer when I think of Texas. Or the TYRANT, for that matter. But he is originally from Colorado, so there's your connection.

Professor Pizza: I think I always heard that but no one ever went into detail after mentioning it.

Stevo do Caixão: He really has nothing to do with Texas, only his brief association with Riot.

Andy O'Connor: "Swords and Tequila." Best metal song ever or what?

Stevo do Caixão: I can't think of another!

Andy O'Connor: Carry me through the night!

Stevo do Caixão: Who is a must-see on Baltimore Soundstage on Sunday?

Andy O'Connor: Maguderlung.

Professor Pizza: Iron Lung for SURE. Iron Lung and Citizen's arrest is going to be a backflip-athon.

Andy O'Connor: Iron Lung played a show with Big Freedia at SXSW.

Professor Pizza: That is the greatest thing I've ever heard. Ass and dreads everywhere.

Stevo do Caixão: Too bad it wasn't a Born Against/Citizaen's Arrest double bill. Even I would be hard pressed not to teach the kids the "Skunk Skank" for that. I have to ask the question: if you have the opportunity to stand in line for a hot dog, OR see Manilla Road, what are your thoughts?

Andy O'Connor: Having Mark the Shark Shelton make a hot dog.

Stevo do Caixão: OH MY GOODNESS. Just thinking about that...Oh, the humanity

Professor Pizza: One thing is for sure, I'd rather not eat a hot dog and watch manilla road at teh same time. A burger would be acceptable though.

Stevo do Caixão: Well, but you'll be watching Integrity.

Professor Pizza: But given the choice between a hot dog and Manilla Road, I'm gonna go Manilla Road because I think it'd be a party.

Stevo do Caixão: It probably will.

Professor Pizza: Watching integrity and then shortly after arrested.

Stevo do Caixão: That's not part of the plan, sir. Before I forget, I've got to ask: guys, you are going to MDF, so, what are you drinking?

Andy O'Connor: Cough syrup. Sprite. Jolly ranchers.

Professor Pizza: Probably ginger beer because booze makes me punchy. I'll be sipping a ginger beer and trying to sneak hits off a hash pipe.

Stevo do Caixão: Pizza is drinking ginger beer, Andy is drinking cough syrup.

Andy O'Connor: Liquor and whatever we stash in our hotel room.

Professor Pizza: I wouldn't mind a shot of purple in my ginger beer.

Stevo do Caixão: If I could make it, I would be drinking Bull Ice. Not even sure if they make that anymore.

Professor Pizza: What is that?

Andy O'Connor: Bull Ice? Bud Ice?

Stevo do Caixão: It was a malt liquor from my early 90s days. BULL ICE. It was the king of 40 ounce caviar.

Andy O'Connor: Sounds trippy.

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