"Bloody 'ells!": Cauldron Tour Diary Part 1

We asked Toronto's premiere purveyors of "true, unadulterated heavy metal" Cauldron to keep tabs on the havoc and devastation left behind in the wake of the band's epic America's Lost tour and dudes did not disappoint with the diary below. Remaining tour dates are listed at post's end. Purchase Cauldron's excellent Tomorrow's Lost here.

David "Rock" Feinstein

We kicked off the tour with a stop at Hollywood Restaurant in Cortland, New York -- sort of a tradition for us at this point as we stop in everytime we're passing by. The food is excellent but the main reason we go there is because we're big fans of The Rods and David 'Rock' Feinstein owns the place. Five minutes into our meal the man himself pulls up a chair and starts shooting the shit with us and sharing some cool stories. David said that the meal was on the house and proceeded to give us the royal tour of his studio, gear and the Rods rehearsal space and loaded us up with some cool merch. Rad time, thanks so much David, the night lives to rock!

IanDave

Ian's Ritual Start of Tour Hangover

Upon arrival in Brooklyn we met up with our host, Nick and got some serious drinking done. He took us to a bar down the street called The Levee with a four-dollar drink special that included one Carling and one shot of Jameson. After a thousand of those we called it a night. Ian was so hungover the next day that we thought he might die. He didn't drag his raggedy ass out of bed until five minutes before we had to get on stage. Anyway, it turns out that Ian was only having his ritual beginning of tour hangover. On every tour, he makes sure to be incredibly hungover after the first night so that from then on, he wakes up feeling healthy and hangover free after a night of debauchery. IanColdBeer

Diamond Head Pt. 1 We met up with Diamond Head in Brooklyn for the first of seven shows supporting them. Brian Tatler came over to me while I was stringing my guitar for a quick chat, but mainly to tell me to get all my stuff off his suitcase. He remembered us from Keep It True 2007 like it was yesterday. All I remember from their KIT set was the power going out, but it could also have been me passing out behind a porto potty. We didn't really talk to the guys too much the first night, but they gave us a nice farewell as they got into their Sprinter van. "Guys, great gig, take it easy, good luck with everything in the future!" Then we'd have to tell them we were playing with them the next night, and the next. We'd get some raised eyebrows and an "Ohhhhh..." every time. I remember Jason telling Nick (vocals) on the first night, "Hey Tom, great show man!"

We played with them next at a tiny bar in Seymour, Connecticut. They showed up so late that it was looking like they were gonna pull a no-show. They ended up playing to about forty people, with our drunk asses in the front row spilling beer on their setlists and yelling for "Call Me" every other song. Jason even grabbed a marker from the merch bin and wrote "Call Me" on the bottom. Needless to say, they never did play it, although they'd tease us with the opening chords at soundcheck every night. CauldronTattler2 Follow Your Heart

After our show in Connecticut we met Charles Manson's look-a-like and his hot girlfriend. Sensing adventure we invited the two of them back to our cigarette and dead hooker smelling motel for a dip in our heart shaped jacuzzi. But first we needed some libations. Using his powers of manipulation, Chuck was able to procure for us two cases of beer and a 66er of Tequila from the bar tender. Back at the motel, four dudes jumped into the jacuzzi. It was pretty tight. We tired to convince Charles Manson's girlfriend to climb in the tub with us but he didn't like that idea. Then the motel manager called the room to yell at us about all the noise we were making which I found pretty funny. I guess he felt that the solution to us making too much noise was to make more himself. Luckily the bar sprang for two motel rooms so we dashed across the parking lot, half naked and dripping wet to the other room with another jacuzzi.

Diamond Head Pt. 2

After the border crossing for the Montreal show we saw their van pulling up to the washrooms, so we circled around and yelled "Hey boys!" at them but they just kind of ignored us. Once we got to Montreal there was a backstage with a couple coolers full of beer. Diamond Head went back to their hotel before the show so we continued to casually drink the beer (their beer). When they got back, almost all the beer was gone. Brian Tatler saw Jason walking by and said "Hey mate, mate, where's all our fookin' beer?" The real culprit was the infamous Montreal metaller Matt "Butcher" Bouchard. He was "working" the show and frequently making dressing room pit stops for beer.

After the show Matt went backstage and brought a couple drunk chicks with him to "make a party" with Diamond Head. I guess there was no beer left and the chicks wanted to leave, so Brian stepped forward and said, "'ang on, we're not goin' 'ome just yet, love."

I left after I heard Matt trying to explain to them that he played in an "Alcoholic trash metal" band with all of them looking confused.

Apparently Matt and the chicks went and "made a party" at Diamond Head's hotel but details are scarce. Diamond Head Live A-Team

This guy that looked like Murdock from the A-Team was at the Montreal show. He appeared to suffer from some kind of affliction where he kept telling us he was going to check us out but then he would shrug and suggest otherwise. He came up and said "I've never seen you guys before, can't wait to check you guys out! Well I don't know if I will, I might not. Ok can't wait, looking forward to it! I might not watch though, I don't know..." He said the only two bands he knew of were Diamond Head and Cannibal Corpse. He was also carrying around this book of psychadelic healing powers under his arm all night which he would set on the stage while he uncertainly rocked out in the front row. I really wish we had a picture with this guy, we'll miss him.

Diamond Head Continued...

We started talking to Karl (drums) a lot since he was the most approachable and boisterous guy in the band. He also did all the driving so it was more just a courtesy when he said he'd have some drinks with us after the shows, but never really did. At the Toronto show the guys couldn't believe that there were chicks crowdsurfing, with all kinds of greasy dudes grabbing onto anything they could. Frequent "Bloody 'ells!" could be heard from the Diamond Head camp.

Anyway after countless more heartfelt goodbyes and many a "Good luck in the future, alright?" we headed to Milwaukee on our own and out of their lives.

The Ultimate Piss Jug/Funnel Combo

There's been a real lack of proper piss jugs on this tour. We had this funnel rolling around the van that we use to top up fluids under the hood. It also happened to fit into a regular bottle so it was working out good until the funnel disappeared. I was going to attach a hose to the funnel and try and run it out the side door of the van at some point but I guess it fell out the door at one of our stops. I had to get creative when our GPS led us to an industrial wasteland outside of Chicago which seemingly had no exit. Our shit GPS kept trying to take us down dead end roads and overpasses that weren't finished yet. Anyway, I had to MacGyver together the ultimate piss jug using Ian's swiss army knife, a two litre pop bottle, a regular 'sport' mouth bottle acting as a funnel and some duct tape. It worked well, smoothest van piss I've ever taken!

JasonPissJug

We arrived in Winnipeg just in time for their great lighter crisis of 2013. About every three minutes spent anywhere public in this town someone will ask you for a light, it's quite amazing, really. See you in a few weeks time...

For more information catch up with Cauldron via Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. Remaining America's Lost tour dates are below.

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