Bond Ain't Getting No Bond, Y'all

Posted July 28 by Shawn Macomber

Walter Bond, the man who inspired the Earth Crisis song "To Ashes," has been arrested for allegedly burning down a sheepskin factory. As you can clearly see from the photo below, Bond is a crafty fellow who took great pains to blend into the background, employing a stealth that earned him his 80s action movie-tinged alias "Lone Wolf." A master of misdirection, Bond cloaked himself in an Ordinary Joe veneer while preparing to strike a great blow against the anthropocentric falsehood as other gnarlier activists played red herring for the Powers that Be...

Or...the exact opposite of all that.

Seriously, those of you contemplating a career in direct action, perhaps dreaming of one day being portrayed by an actor in a Earth Crisis video, here is some free advice from a fellow herbivore: Maybe don't tattoo wrenches on your neck. Or, like, any crazy shit on your face. Because you might think those letters on your neck spell VEGAN, but jurors are going to interpret it as something more along the lines of Yeah, motherfuckers, I totally burned that shit down...P.S. I'm judging your shoes right now. 

"To Ashes" video after the jump.

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