Zoroaster Tour Diary, Part 1

Posted July 1 by sarah.kitteringham

Just weeks before their third full-length Matador hits the streets, Atlanta psychedelic metal act Zoroaster is pounding the pavement on the Summer Southern Burn Tour. In between obliterating audiences with their potent blend of growling stoner jams, the trio has been enjoying rooftop pool meetings, Willie Nelson’s restaurant, and toys galore. In this first five-day entry, drummer Dan Scanlan elaborates.

DAY 1
Dallas

So, here we are, day four of the Summer Southern Burn Tour, and I've realized that the name could have not been better, or even worse!  The first stop was in Birmingham and since we left in the evening, we really didn't notice how much burn we were about to feel!  The Nick is kind of an outta the way spot to play, and honestly, we've never had great shows there, but that night it actually turned out great. Dark Castle opened followed by the ever brutal Black Tusk, and then we closed it out.  After we left The Nick we headed straight to the hotel, this was about five in the morning and right as I was starting to nod off... the fucking smoke detector starts going off!!  We all jump outta bed, then it cuts off again, we go back to bed, only two seconds later it goes off again!!  Nick, our roadie/ merch bro, jumps up and rips it off the wall!  Battery removed, we actually sleep.



DAY 2
Memphis

This is when we realize just where the BURN in Summer Burn Tour comes in!  We get up and hit the road to Memphis around noon; it's already 97 degrees as we pull out, then tragedy hits!  Our AC has quit working in the van!!!  It's a fucking sweat box in here!!!  We stop at the auto store and get a can of AC charge, it's chill for a bit, and then we get hit with another blow.  So when we accelerate or go up hills, for some reason the fans cut off and no air circulates. This in turn pretty much means we're fucked for cool air, so hence, the BURN begins and isn't going to stop till we get back!!

Memphis slays!  Pretty much all there is to say about that!  Hi-Tone was great, they have a BLACK TUSK burger that's definitely worth every bite, and that's not a gay reference Andrew!


The guys at the Toy & Action Figure Museum in Oklahoma.



DAY 3
Oklahoma City

We hit the road around 11 a.m. for the shitbox hot seven-hour drive to Oklahoma City, trying to make the best time. We don’t get breakfast and wing it at a Love’s Travel Stop, bad idea, of course.  Never ever, ever order a Love sub!!!  Not only is it 10 grades lower than your last visit at Subway, but the after-math in a van with no air and four dudes is about as smelly as you can think.  Ugh, everything smells... bad!  This is about the time we get the call from Dark Castle; they're broken down outside Little Rock, a good five hours away from the show.  They have to cancel unfortunately, sucks.

We get to the club, The Conservatory, which only the day before was almost destroyed in a flood and hail storm.  We're loading in through chunks of broken concrete, mud and sandwash, through the main room that is still drying out. Show is still great. We manage to find our way back to the hotel with Black Tusk and proceed to destroy, and scare away everyone at the local IHOP, another poor decision, the mornings after are never good! 

So now we make our way to Dallas, and the van is hot, we all smell, Dark Castle cancel again due to van problems again, hope they can make it tomorrow!  But now, before the show, us and Black Tusk have a rooftop pool meeting to attend to and discuss the assault on Dallas tonight, beers will be consumed, and more poor decisions will probably be made!!





Day 4 
Dallas

Ok, so maybe drinking four cases of beer before the show isn't the best idea. I've got a hangover and not just your standard one, the kind that feels like there's a needle right behind your right eye poking the back of your eyeball! I blame the swimming pool for this one. It's not that often we actually get just a few hours of downtime in a rooftop pool before a show and that's probably a good thing!

The show was good despite the level of intoxication by Black Tusk and us. Maybe jumping back into the pool at 3 a.m. wasn't a great idea either. Now we head to one of our favorite places to play... Austin!



Day 5
Austin

We finally got to stop at Willie Nelson's truck stop on our way into Austin!!!  Fucking amazing!  I love listening to country music!!   Hold on, lemme finish... it's got to be outlaw country or just good old fashion twang!  Willie Nelson, Hank (senior), Waylon Jennings, Merle Haggard, etc. Not this regurgitated pop country horseshit you hear on the radio today!! Although there are a few bands that are the exception.....Hank III, Drive-By Truckers, the Avett Brothers, Rob Lawhon, hell, Tim Barry!

Anyway, we have to eat there and of course I have to spend a stupid amount of money on coffee mugs and beer koozies for everyone back home, well, mainly for me and my fiancée!  Nick ends up getting a Willie Nelson braided headband, and yes, it's pretty awesome!!  After our lunch and no Willie sightings, we head out and there's a cop about 50 feet away on the street ticketing some guys in a beat up ‘85 Mustang Convertible, primmer gray, meth deal gone wrong we think.  So what do Nick and Brent do?  Fire up a joint in the parking lot with cops right behind them!



You can pretty much ask any touring band what the worst thing about touring is and I guarantee the majority will agree with me - Guitar fuckin' Center!  I hate this fucking place!  I broke my ride cymbal last night so it's totally shot. Coming into Austin we stopped in to pick up a new one that was put on hold for me.  Of course, we're driving in the Texas heat with no AC and we get turned around three or four times before finding it, which is making this whole experience even worse.  I'm tired, hot, hungry and not in the mood to deal with all the Guitar Center experts but I have to.

If there's a hell, this has got to be it!  Oh, it looks so inviting too. Overblown posters of Santana and Steve Vai greet you as you enter the glass gates and into the icebox of screeching guitars and crashing drums.  If your head doesn't explode from all the noise, then just wait because it will!

No matter how quick I try to make it, it's always an hour ordeal.  I know going into this I'm getting fucked, but you have no choice and they know it!

I can see my cymbal, it's 10 feet away from me, I have my money, and I want to pay now!  But there's always something... the computer which continues to baffle every employee and manager 100 per cent of the time.  This is where the fucking shit begins.  Since the sales rep has already got me on the hook, he proceeds with the ass raping!  And he just wants to take his sweet-ass time knowing I'm not in the mood and in a hurry.  And just when I think he's about done, of course, the manager wants his turn too.  So now I'm listening to his bullshit while he's finger banging the computer for another 10 minutes and the rep always has to make some snide remark about how he's never broken a cymbal in 15 years and if I would just side swipe when I hit then they'd last forever.  Well guess what fucktard, I'm not wiping my ass here, I'm playing fucking metal, so if you're done being bitter about your band opening up for Godsmack at that Guitar Center battle of the bands back in the day and never getting signed only to be whisked away to rock and roll fucking wonderland, I'd like my cymbal and the last 55 minutes of my life back please! 460 bucks later, my ass hurts and I'm broke.  Off to Emo's!



Day 5 Continued...

Emo's was fucking awesome!  Place was packed out and we got to hang with a lot of old friends we hadn't seen since SXSW.  It's always chaos after the shows here.  The streets are always overrun with retarded drunk frat boys, emo kids, girls gone wild and the metalheads from our show.

People watching alone is worth the trip!  After loading out and saying goodbye  I order a foot-long cheese steak to eat back at the hotel, which is only five minutes away so it'll still be warm, no problem.  We get to the hotel and just when I thought my night was smooth sailing, KAPOW!  Wendy, the late night Baymont Inn ogre, keeper of the keys and she's looking angry!  She's short and squatty, kinda like an old female Garfield the cat, except not funny.

She can't find the reservation and swears I don't have one, even though I show her the reservation on my iPhone, but she's not buying it.  Then, after 20 minutes, she finds it! The table turns, her mood lightens and now we're friends.  This is time when I wish I didn't have any tattoos.  Instead of just getting on with the keys, she starts in on how she loves tattoos, always wanted one but is too scared, how she's divorced with two kids and on and on she went. She thinks God won't really mind if she has one, but she's gonna put a call into him just to let him know.  Yes, this is happening at four in the fucking morning! I don't give two shits about your life.

I stink, I'm tired, my cheese steak is now cold, and I’ve had it.  I don't give a fuck if she gets the Last Fucking Supper tattooed on her forehead. And you know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and make that call for you and I'm gonna let God know how you wasted my fucking time.  And when you get to the pearly gates, take a fucking number and a seat in purgatory for a few hundred years, because that's what I feel like right now!  Gimme my fucking room key!!!  And yes, the once warm and gooey cheese steak is now a cold lump of squishy slop.  It's 5 a.m. now.

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