Top 10 Manliest Metal Album Covers

Posted September 1 by Chris D.

10. Turisas - Rasputin [Single] (2007)
Be-furred and warpainted Finnish dudes with swords and angry faces breaking out of, oddly enough, a disco ball. Wait, what? The photo is stock that much we know, but how does the disco ball play into the image or title Rasputin? Initially, we thought Turisas might have covered “Hot Stuff” or “I Will Survive”. Nope. They’re just mean-looking and definitely clueless.

9. Raven - The Pack is Back (1986)
“Athletic rockers” Raven never, ever had a great album cover. Did I say ever? The Pack is Back evidently is Raven’s attempt to look “athletic” (i.e., tough). An attempt to compete with other bands in various (and notably mismatched) sports gear. Well, boys, spandex, no muscles, power stances and Village People boots don’t exactly look tough, but, hey, we’re a forgiving bunch. It’s the thought (breaking out of closets) that counts.

8. Lost Horizon - Awakening the World (2001)
Sweden’s Lost Horizon, once known as the “Hammerfall killer” in select circles, came out of the gate with a blazing album. Too bad the album art didn’t quite match the manly music. They got the abs and biceps to oil-wrestle Manowar into submission, but the rest of the album art is a bit of a mystery. Rat-people, pig-people and vulture-people in apparent positions of power and influence. We get it now. Wait, no we don’t.

7. Majesty - Sword & Sorcery (2002)
Our homeboys Majesty, now known under the equally uninspired name Metalforce, have the whole D&D/Manowar thing on lock. Warrior dude, triumphing over all in his path, sports a wicked double-axe and a shield (for realism, no doubt). But look out warrior dude! There’s an army of horned baddies sneaking up on you. They want your furry undies and UGG boots. No matter. Warrior dude will crush them mightily.

6. Amon Amarth - The Crusher (2001)
Speaking of crushers…Sweden’s Amon Amarth had an album titled The Crusher. Featuring a beefy version of Mario from Super Mario Bros., Amon Amarth’s pivotal third album is one for the ages. But we can’t tell if it’s Mario the Blacksmith, or ‘Roid Rage Mario or Norse Mythos Mario. Probably all of the above. Amon Amarth followed The Crusher with Versus the World, another album with a huge, heavily-armed cartoon man looking up at and apparently ready to take on the world. Epic success!!

5. The Gates of Slumber - Conqueror (2008)
OK, here we go. The Gates of Slumber men don’t have Venice Beach physiques. So, what they lack in the ‘beach bod’ department they make up for in beardy riffs. And album art, too. A Conan-like warrior is in the middle, arms outstretched with a blood-stained sword in one hand and the head of a hapless victim in the other. Sweet! Then there’s a naked chick at his feet. Doubly sweet! The over-sized Danzig skull belt buckle might have to go though.

4. Accept - Balls to the Wall (1984)
Uh, this album cover has been poured over by many a metalhead. What does it mean? What are Accept trying to communicate here? Should I feel slightly uncomfortable when I gaze upon this man’s sweaty/hairy tensed-up leg? Why is he holding a ball? What type of ball is it? It looks hard. How do I know this? Well, the man’s veins are showing. Not his main vein (thank Thor in a g-string!), but the veins in his hand. All these years and we still haven’t reached a conclusion. And, yes, even now we’re slightly uncomfortable.

3. Manowar - Warriors of the World (2002)
What list of manly metal album covers is complete without Manowar? None! Coming in at #3 is Warriors of the World. Typical Manowar stuff, really. Massive warrior guy, sword in hand (piercing the abdomen of an underling), huge American flag in the other, coming out of a cave Pied Piper of Hameln-like. His entourage? A bunch of bare-chested skinny guys hoisting the flags of various nations follow him, slavering over his manly conquer-all-ness. But wait. Where’s his head? The art budget ran a wee bit short.

2. Virgin Steele - Noble Savage (1984)
Virgin Steele are long known to have taken the Manowar-lite road. Less burly and tough-guy than Manowar, the lithe, if athletic (Raven eat your hearts out), Virgin Steele are less Conan than they are Beastmaster. Which suits Noble Savage just fine. A fiery sky, a loin-clothed, sword-wielding, almost-nude warrior with fist aloft—signaling to an eagle or a hawk for sure—is just what we need after all the Strongest Man covers. Did we just say we needed a loin-clothed, almost-nude dude? Guess so.

1. Manowar - Anthology (1994)
Actually, this entire list could’ve been Manowar covers. Anyway, this poor excuse for an album cover—where’s the real Manowar logo?—is the manliest of manly album covers. At least in our dim(witted) view. Four muscled and well-oiled metal saviors in various states of undress are so fucking metal we don’t know where to begin. Let's start anyway. Joey DeMaio is major Jersey chick magnet material here. His ultra-hairy Italian legs smell—Banana Boat, anyone?—like the boardwalk. Actually, we’re wondering where to cop a pair of those white furry boots? Nordstrom, perhaps?

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