Sworn Enemy
Total World Domination
Our new potty mouth overlords love breakdowns and the word “cocksucker” | Century Media
p>Our new potty mouth overlords love breakdowns and the word “cocksucker”
The only surprising thing about the new Sworn Enemy joint is that it took the band this long to call a record Total World Domination. Persistent delusions of grandeur have, after all, been on display at least since Sworn Enemy declared themselves As Real as It Gets in 2003. For argument’s sake, however, let’s play along. Gaze, my child, into the thrashy metallic hardcore crystal ball and envision a world totally dominated by Sworn Enemy, the streets filled with basketball jersey-bedecked manchildren scuffing their feet like roosters as they prowl the global mosh pit barnyard, heads jiggering to a circa ’88 double bass backbeat as crazily as late-stage Parkinson’s patients, flailing limbs seemingly possessed by the ghosts of developmentally-challenged Bruce Lee impersonators.
In the Old World, circa 2009, few took Sworn Enemy’s self-aggrandizing puffery seriously—not the United Nations, not NATO, not Osama bin Laden, not even people with decent taste in music. How naïve we were! Now when Supreme Leader Sal Lococo repeats a Total World Domination proclamation—say, “You fucking scumbag cocksucker, go fucking die,” “I’m going to knock you out, cocksucker, it’s the only way” or “I will never be like you, you fucking piece of shit”—good New Order citizens echo it back, hands raised in the new mandatory salute (The Finger-Point), then sucker punch some poor 15-year-old geek for lookin’ smart.
Skeptics may wonder whether a retread thrash metal/tough guy hardcore crossover record can actually dominate the entire planet. To them, Sworn Enemy guitarist Lorenzo Antonucci insists via press release, “This is a pretty fucking ignorant album.” No doubt! Fair warning, though, dudeguy: The strain of stupid lording over the world y’all covet is pretty fucking virulent. Sure, derivative songs and chest thumping cave dweller-isms are a start, but let’s face it: The only thing that’s gonna knock out that many fucking scumbag cocksuckers is a black market North Korean nuke. So, best of luck with those merch sales, dudes!
—Shawn Macomber